Where It All Started... A 29-year-old Girl Finally Landed on a Ballet Class!

October 31, 2020

On this year's World Ballet Day 2020, I might have more stories to tell about my ballet progress---one of my bucket lists that has come true last year. It's been a year and still going on and on. Well, as for my first post of '(Never) Late to Ballet', I can tell you that it is a lot of work, but ballet teaches me to 'lift myself up!'

My #menolaktua (English: to reject aging) story is that... what if I told you I started to re-challenge my body 14 years after the doctors said the effects of accidents and injuries I had wouldn't allow me to go too far? And that when I'm getting older, my body would become a huge liability where the pains will be more intense and 'eat' me alive?

Other than that, I developed anxiety disorder since I was 19, due to quarter-life crisis that came super early. Yes, I had QUARTER life crisis when I TURNED NINETEEN. It doesn't make sense, but it was what actually happened. Depression developed as well along the way and it took years finally for me to go to a psychologist.

I didn't workout ever since the accident and another low back injury that happened when I was 24. That might due to no tension or stress release at all. I wasn't sure either what caused it. But what I did was to try to laugh at it so that's why I started the hashtag (#)MenolakTua years ago for all stories related to 'keep on going through' while embracing all of my anxiety and insecurities. 

At the time, there was another hashtag called #MenolakLupa (English: to reject forgetting) which was made to fight the government's actions in forgetting past injustice and unsolved political cases. I made a little twist with wordplay yet with almost the same sound bite in local language. 

With the revelations discovered by my first therapy session, I started to fix myself by saying 'f*ck it!' to anything I was afraid to do previously. That's where I then registered myself for my first yoga class. Then pilates, then barre, then aerial yoga where it lasted regularly for 2 years.

My spinal cord progressed. My anxiety attack frequencies reduced. I fixed my body, I managed my mental health. Not to forget, I did KonMari along the way, too, where it helped to set my focus on the quality I wanted to keep in my life.

Becoming a sucker for workout during the process, I tried more variety of sports, schedule to workout more often at home, too. At one point, I installed ClassPass, thanks to my friend's recommendation, that's where I found out about BalletFit where it led me to an information on a ballet school I'm currently attending.

I never danced in my whole life and I actually hated the idea. But ballet is an exception. And I started at the age where most professional dancers were preparing to retire, where their best dancing years were already over. Moreover, I started after a list of injuries I had. A leap and a wish I never thought I would do.

All my life, I was told that there's no ballet school for adult, saying that ballet should be started when you're still a kid. People believe that it's too late to do it at my age, where I might end up with nothing anyway after enduring all of the hard work. Some might say that it's simply impossible. 

I was like, c'mon, Natalie Portman did Black Swan when she's older, gimme a chance to try at least.

During this one-year long process, I have learned a lot to listen to my body and accepting that I do have more things in me to fix, instead of just accepting and letting it be, not allowing the darkness and biased toxic positivity to hold me back from achieving my best version of myself. I'm in the process to engage with my whole body through the integration of movements---something that never pops in my head as I don't know how to integrate my mind and body altogether.

Ballet is a childhood wish my parents never give me and now I'm granting that wish for myself. Another bucket list checked! No matter how late it is for me to finally try it for the first time.

I'm doing anything I can, to do what I love. 
I have rediscovered myself. Or at least, I'm giving myself more reasons to live for another day.
It has been a celebration of what my body can achieve with all the work and effort I make each day, after everything that my body has endured.

I had a rough start in life, much less privileged, and the struggle is more from my side. Growing up, I have to buy up anything that I didn't get the chance to have when I was younger in able to compete with others and to make myself feel complete. While others might already be able to work on their ways up easier by now, and I still have a lot to do to work my way sideways. I have to learn to accept that it's already huge for me by only having the opportunity I make for myself to just be able to try. 

Maybe I won't go too far, but at least I'm trying my luck with it.

So this is it... #menolaktua for starting to do what I love with all I have, at the age of struggle, with never-ending lack of luck.

Cheers to more progress! Cheers to realizing what my body can do in ballet! Cheers to more blogposts for '(Never) Late to Ballet' series in here!

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