Quarter Life Crisis

May 17, 2015

I'm no longer 16. I'm no longer 18. I'm no longer 20. I'm no longer 22.

I am 25 years old. Singing John Mayer's 'Stop This Train' won't help any better.
I'm 25 and I'm having quarter life crisis.

This morning I gathered up with some friends for light breakfast and chat somewhere downtown. One of them just broke up and we talked... we talked... until the topic about commitment came up. Then, 'quarter life crisis' was in. We're talking how it is usual phase that most would question about their existence, label, and pursuit....including their achievement so far in life. So when I have written here so many times about living in turbulence... I haven't landed anywhere, it's just the turbulence getting stronger---shaking me to the core.

I got to admit. I have been in this kind of crisis since my early 20s. I just don't realize it, or maybe I just deny that I already face it too early than I should have. No matter how early I had it, things didn't change for good. I'm still stuck and all. What's worse?

Like in previous post, I said... 'I'm hitting rock bottom'. Yes. I feel like not only stuck, but I'm confused.

Imagine you're in a boat and you're sailing. You might start to think that the phrase 'sailing the boat alone' makes any sense to you. Why? I'm in the middle of such circumstance. I ask myself... why am I sailing this boat alone? Wait, whose boat is this?

I wonder why I'm always stuck in this kind of thing. Being thrown away... forgotten as not part of the team no matter how much you have done, just because one simple thing you do---being a human. I question my life.... should I be the nice person all the time? When I act like real human with attitude that I would only consider as not humane. Well. Even though it happens for once, the good things you've done seem to be disappeared.

Quarter life crisis. I question if I can move on with anything I have for now. Or without anything. Coz there's nothing left.

Can I go back to 21? Please...

Oh are you having the same thing? Did you (if you are older than me)? Say that life is just a 'Bitter Sweet Symphony".

... what happens in my bedroom, stays in my bedroom...

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